Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm too high and old for this...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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