after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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