Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
