Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
