Sry I called you an 8
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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