just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
