even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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