On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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