Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
