the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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