your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
