do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
