watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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