just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
