It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize