Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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