I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
