she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize