Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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