Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
