I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
