Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
