Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
