he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
