I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize