I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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