He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
