Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
