Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
