Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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