The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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