i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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