I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
