don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
