The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
