I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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