You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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