I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Banned from zoo.
Again?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
a search helicopter?!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
