Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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