Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
