You really coming over, don't trick.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
