Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize