We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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