he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize