If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
