I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
