my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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