i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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