when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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