I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
