Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
