My liver just broke up with me...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
