my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
