His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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