i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
