dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
