She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
