why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
