Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
