maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
