Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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