Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
