yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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