My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
